Staying in the spirit of Milo’s Top 10, I think it’s time for me to introduce a Top 10 as well. My inspiration stems from a recent inquiry by a female friend of mine who thought it might be nice to know what makes a guy who loves to hunt tick.
STOP. HOLD THE PHONES.
Did a seriously attractive blonde girl really just suggest she thought it would be interesting to her – and lots of other girls – to know what a serious hunter dude (like me) is like? I better not mess this up…
My initial reaction:
My second reaction: imagining what the thought process of a girl, who isn’t very familiar with hunting, is like when she learns about my hobby.
I’m willing to bet it’s something like this…
“Could he possibly be normal like all the other guys that… don’t kill animals? I mean, it looks like he does some really fun stuff and goes to some really cool places, I guess.
*thumbs through my Instagram posts*
Wait, what the…? He shot a squirrel with a bow and arrow? Does that make him a psycho or… totally bad ass? Is it a good or bad thing those are my only two options?
Maybe there’s something to this hunting thing I’m just not getting?
*continues thumbing through my Instagram posts*
Oh wait. Oh my gosh!! A puppy! Awwww it’s sooo cute. Awwww. Why can’t I have a puppy? Oh my goshhh. S’cute…”
Okay, enough kidding around. I will now take this opportunity to explain a hunter’s lifestyle a little more to disprove affirm any previous stereotypes girls might have about guys who hunt. As you read along, I think you might just find some of these facts about guys who hunt to be pleasantly surprising, and maybe even enlightening!
Things Girls Should Know about Guys who Hunt
1. When we’re not hunting, we’re thinking about hunting.
I hate to break it to you, but fundamentally, we’re really that simple. It doesn’t matter if we just came back from a week-long excursion that turned out to be the greatest hunting trip of our lives. You might think that should have satisfied our need to go hunting ever again, but it didn’t. It only made us want to go more, and sooner. Yes ladies, even if your hunting hunk is currently your date at an elegant wedding and chatting it up with you and everyone else at the table about relationships and love, he’s still thinking about hunting.
2. We can do more manly do-it-yourself things than regular guys.
As hunters, we are real do-it-yourselfers. We rely on ourselves to be resourceful when things go awry in the woods like when a tractor breaks down or when a chainsaw won’t start (try every possible solution, then remember to put gas in it). No, we didn’t get incredibly manly overnight. We’ve likely learned the hard way on most things (see prior chainsaw troubleshooting process). But now we are wise beyond our years. Thus, we are manlier than ever and have an uncanny aptitude for poking fun of all those “regular” guys that can’t quite measure up.
3. Toilet humor is our bread and butter.
While not exactly “pleasantly surprising”, this can’t be that shocking of a revelation to you, ladies. Hunting camp is a place for dudes to get their much needed “guy time” in. With no ladies present, anything goes really. Bowel related events happen with (ir)regularity, perhaps affected by the prevalence of unhealthy menu items typically found in a hunting camp. Not only that, sounds and conversations related to bowel related events are also common place as well. If there is ever a quiet moment, cue a loud bowel related event and you’ve got an entirely new conversation going again. And a lot of times the new discussion isn’t even about that bowel related event. Somehow it just triggered other thoughts to go off in our male brains and suddenly we have another lively conversation going. Weird.
4. We are more spiritual and reflective.
This should hopefully be more “pleasantly surprising” to you. Contrary to what #3 might make you think, guys who hunt are usually more reflective about life. Experiencing the woods alone or with friends while silently observing nature truly moves you. A deer might walk by within feet of your hiding place. Unaware of your presence, it is in a completely natural state and you witness it doing something amazing, like eating an acorn. It munches and crunches, looks around, and then paws again at the ground sniffing through the leaves for another. The pure simplicity of the moment hits you and you realize you’re in the presence of something powerful, something greater driving this amazing world. You wonder how you deserve to witness that moment and that’s when you realize you’ve had a goofy smile on your face the whole time.
Case in point. How often do you get up close to cute, little, cuddly fawns when you’re not hunting? That’s right, never.
5. Absolutely love animals (except cats).
This might seem like an oxymoron. How can a hunter, someone who actively seeks to kill animals, love animals? It sounds contradictory, but I promise it’s true. All ethical hunters have a very specific purpose when they select an animal to take. There is no hatred involved in the process. Simply, there is a need – a need for the meat, a need for the fur to help make a living, a need to remove an unhealthy member from the population to prevent spread of disease, a need to know exactly where food is coming from, etc. No ethical hunter kills in excess. In fact, most hunters go home empty handed most of the time. Hunters are the ones on the front lines of conservation, no matter how big or small the animal.
As for cats, well everyone in the world has figured out how evil cats are by now. Except for that one crazy cat lady we all know. If your guy likes to hunt, but also likes cats, you might want to ask him if he is in fact a real hunter.
6. Will never say no to adventure and travel.
Hunting is always an adventure so exploring and travelling is in our blood. If you want an awesome travel companion who will often observe things on your trip others wouldn’t ever notice, then go with a hunter. A hunter’s eyes will open your world to completely new revelations and thoughts as you experience new places together. While we like to literally go on adventures, we also have an adventurous soul. It’s usually not hard to convince us to try new things or do something entirely outrageous with the hopes of impressing you.
7. We are amazing storytellers.
No, we don’t just lie all the time and make up stories. The truth of the matter is we experience things so few other people ever see it sounds like our stories can’t be true. We see amazing things that can’t be duplicated anywhere else except in the wild. There’s an old saying among writers to “write with your eyes” because it helps bring out more detail in the story. That’s exactly how hunters tell their stories. The next time you hear a story from a hunter, listen closely. Before you know it, you’ll feel like you were there experiencing the whole event.
8. Our wedding date options are limited to June-August.
There is a very simple explanation for this. Every relevant hunting season goes from September 1st through May 31st. I apologize on behalf of all hunters, but it must be said: we don’t want to celebrate our anniversary on opening weekend of deer or turkey season every year for the rest of our lives. If you convince your hunting man otherwise, I can absolutely promise he loves you more than anything and you better get to the altar quick before he changes his mind.
No, we don’t all want a camo wedding. Well, maybe… Kind of. Pretty please?
9. We might not act like it, but we secretly want you to come hunting with us.
As I mentioned earlier, hunting camp is for “guy time”. It’s considered taboo in many hunting camps to even speak of having a significant other around. Many guys talk a big game about how they “just told it like it is” and up and left home to go hunting without permission. Everyone knows they’re lying, but goes along with it. Deep down, we are all totally thinking about how awesome it would be to have our girl around dressed up in camouflage. Maybe she has a touch of face paint on as well. There isn’t a serious hunter out there who wouldn’t love to see his girlfriend/wife holding a gun or a bow in her hands.
10. We will do anything for you if you do.
Even if you didn’t really like going hunting with your man, at least act like you did and he will literally do anything for you. Like, literally worship the ground you walk on, make you romantic, candlelit dinners with rose petals covering the table and never leave the toilet seat up again. Literally, anything.